I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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