I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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