I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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