oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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