The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
