lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
