i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
