i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just blew my weed a kiss
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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