I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
two words...techno handjob
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
