hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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