I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
