If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
