I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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