the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bet he comes in French.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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