She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ugly people sure do ruin things
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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