All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
