ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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