I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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