Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
