I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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