Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
