Don't make out with my wife yet
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
