is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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