She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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