Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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