Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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