ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
