Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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