Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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