He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Holy shit dude........stairs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
