I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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