Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
