I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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