News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
