I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
