He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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