Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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