Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
