youre lurking in front of me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
