Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
