pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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