I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
