Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
