I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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