it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
