i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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