I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
