I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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