Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
