i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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