i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
