one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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