Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
