i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
