You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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