How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
