Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
